it kinda sucks that i’m alone. i live alone, i die alone. i can’t incorporate one person to be a part of me. i had a person like that. zaid. but we’re drifting apart now anyway. it just makes me realise that nothing will ever make you part of a whole. you’re just yourself and you’re alone. and i sit here crying because i’m alone. but i made myself this way. everyone else seems to be able to deal with life, but i can’t seem to find the want to even get up anymore. i just sit on the couch and watch the kardashians, like i’m watching them living like it’s going to educate me. i don’t have the strength the get up. i don’t have anything to wake up for. i feel like i’m constantly drifting inbetween consciousness and unconsciousness. i wake up and i’m still half asleep, and then all of a sudden i’m waking up again, not even aware that i’d drifted off. i’m weak and i have to willpower to change it. i’m just alive, i’m not even living.